That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
