why didn't you poke me back
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
