just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
