She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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