lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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