last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
