time to smoke my breakfast
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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