u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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