quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
