There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
