A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
