i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
