I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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