Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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