You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
