If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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