I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had to cum in my sink.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
