I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
