I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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