sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
