Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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