Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
