So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
