if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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