is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
