So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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