i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
