Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
