well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
