btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
