I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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