Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
