My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
