Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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