I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We are two peas in an std pod
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
