what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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