he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
