somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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