Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
