u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
