Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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