the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
