Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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