i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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