When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
