I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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