From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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