OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
