left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need a beard to bite.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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