Jerry, you need to find god
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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