the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
even my farts smell like vagina
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
