I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
