allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
